STORMING THE CASTLE: WILL THE ROCKERS REIGN IN THE HOUSE OF WINDSOR?

Last weekend’s Brighton Rockers away trip (to face Kent Roller Derby in Herne Bay) saw one of the rarest outcomes in this sport: a one point game. With derby scorelines often featuring a gap of several hundred, Saturday’s 141-140 win for Kent had every spectator on the edge of their seats. Unfortunately some Rockers fans (including several BRATS types) couldn’t catch this epic clash due to rail strike issues. We don’t have long to feel disheartened about missing out though.

Just as one point is a rarely seen difference in derby scores, so one week between games is almost unheard of… yet that’s what Rockers fans have been gifted here in the run up to Christmas. Brighton are back in action tomorrow (Saturday 3rd December) as they venture to one of the most famous venues in British derby, Windsor Leisure Centre, to take on Royal Windsor Roller Derby (RWRD) in a game prediction sites suggest could be just as close as the Kent clash. There’s no rail strike tomorrow so we have no excuse not to be there and neither do you. Check out our full preview below…

TRAVEL GUIDE AND INFO

Doors at Windsor Leisure Centre are at 3pm with first whistle at 3.30. Admission is a great value £7 on the door or £5 in advance (see the FB event page in the links below for details). Whilst the Rockers haven’t played an open door game in Windsor before, here at BRATS we’ve watched several Sur5al tournaments (RWRD’s own manic twist on the sport) and other derby events there. Located close to the river, the leisure centre is a mere ten minute stroll west from the town centre and train stations.

Stations plural? Yes, for some complicated reason Windsor has two (Central and Riverside) each acting as the terminus for a different branch line. They’re only two hundred yards apart with similar journey times from Brighton (a little over two hours) although Riverside is the less faffy option since you can change at Clapham Junction for it. Car users should point their Sat Navs at SL4 5JB. There’s plenty of parking at the leisure centre with the two or three hours you’ll need to cover the event costing less than a fiver.

Pub wise, for anyone who doesn’t boycott them, the King & Castle opposite said castle is one of the better examples of a Wetherspoons with a labyrinth of rooms/floors and a riverside terrace. There’s a decent cluster of pubs (eg the Carpenters Arms for aleheads, Queen Charlotte for ginfolk) just south of Castle Hill and more around Riverside station. Fans of pale ales (but not dark beer) should visit the Windsor & Eton Brewery tap room which is super close to the leisure centre. Despite its historic prominence, Windsor is a very compact town and everywhere should be easily walkable for most people.

PRE-MATCH EXPECTATIONS

We’re sticking with our policy of not giving detailed score predictions from Flattrackstats until next year, ie once most teams have got a few post-Covid games under their belts. Suffice to say they expect this one to be close (ten points or less) so we could be in for another Kent style nailbiter. Speaking of which, both sides have played away in Herne Bay this year. Could those respective results provide a clue for Saturday? Probably not given that Windsor’s loss to Kent (104-101) was virtually as wafer thin as Brighton’s (141-140). Eek!

In terms of past meetings, the first officially recorded scoreline (179-39) in Rockers history was a closed door home win over Windsor’s B-team in April 2011. Their only public meeting with the Windsor A-team meanwhile was on the grandest stage of all: British Champs. Brighton only took part in the tournament (since renamed Five Nations Roller Derby) for its 2015 incarnation. RWRD would sweep them aside 348-196 (the game played in Bristol) on their way to winning Division 2 South. Both teams are very different in 2022 so we won’t learn much from these past results. What do the two sides themselves expect though?

CAKE OR DEATH (BRIGHTON ROCKERS)

Did you learn anything from last weekend’s narrow loss in Kent that you’ll be using against Windsor? Ooh yes, we learnt loads. On and off the track. We’ve looked at how to delay with very strong blockers, different starts and smarter offense, as well as how to work our bench to the best effect. Kent were an awesome team and so lovely too. We can’t wait to bring our new found skills to Windsor.

You last met Windsor in 2015 British Champs. Any thoughts based on that? Both sides have very different players and different teams especially since Covid. I’m just excited to see what the current Royal Windsor side brings to the table

All three Rockers games since derby resumed have been away. Should we expect a home game soon? Yes indeed, there’s a home game in March! Roller discos have largely taken over Haywards Heath Dolphin but we’re booked in now so expect all of the fun of a Rockers game. 100% it will be excellent.

Do you have any words for Rockers fans and other readers as we head into 2023? We are so so grateful for fans who have continued to support us after Covid. It means the world to us and keeps our amazing sport going. We are so proud to be ambassadors of a sport that is so inclusive, so empowering and so beautiful. We’re always thankful that our fans help to make it happen.

VARIOUS FOLKS (ROYAL WINDSOR RD)

How did Windsor deal with the big gap in competitive derby over the pandemic? Where possible we skated together outdoors in the sunshine. We also did a lot of online team workouts, quizzes and a murder mystery event.

How many games have you played since derby resumed? We have played a total of four games excluding tomorrow’s Brighton match. Only one of these four was an open door event (against Kent). We also played a Sevens tournament in Eastbourne in which we came second.

Presumably a lot has changed since your last open door game against Brighton back in 2015? Yes! Almost all of the team are different now but we still have the Windsor spirit and we’re looking forward to taking on the Rockers again.

Is there anything Brighton fans heading up to the game should know about the event? There will be a cakes and a merch stand and a stand for Brighton’s merch if they would like to bring some. Windsor Leisure Centre also has a standard leisure centre cafe and a pool if people fancy a dip after the game!

LINKS

FB EVENT PAGE: https://www.facebook.com/events/864261984580091/

ROYAL WINDSOR RD: https://www.facebook.com/royalwindsorrollerderby/

BRIGHTON ROCKERS: https://www.brightonrockers.com/

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BACK ON TRACK | The Rockers Return With Sights Set On London | Sat 24th Sept

London Roller Derby’s Hippy Hippy Skate back in their Brighton days.

930 days 23 hours 12 minutes 37 seconds. Or (using a possibly simpler timeframe) 2.5 years plus about 2.5 weeks. That’s how long it will have been since the Brighton Rockers A-team left track against Team Dragon at Haywards Heath Dolphin on 7th March 2020 until their next appearance in front of a crowd on the warning tape bordered oval of doom that is a roller derby track. Oh how we’ve missed them!

This return to track, a long Covid gap (which saw a huge boom in outdoor roller skating) in the making, is taking place tomorrow, Saturday 24th September, at London’s Tottenham Green Leisure Centre. The mighty Brighton Rockers stars will be skating out at 4.30pm (doors at 4pm) to face the B-team Brawl Saints of derby legends London Roller Derby.

The Rockers and Brawl Saints have quite the history. Indeed it was at the feet of the Londoners that Brighton recorded the first official loss of their existence. As one of those rare closed door events to go on the record books (with both teams’ agreement) this 180-177 London victory in October 2012 may have ended the Rockers’ run of nine inaugural wins but was in itself something of a shock. The Saints were at the time rated the sixth strongest team in Europe and for Brighton to push them so close (to the final jam, in fact) surprised much of the UK derby scene.

The teams would meet again the following May at the Rockers’ first tournament appearance. Taking place at Alexandra Palace’s London Tattoo Festival, Brighton matched the Londoners well for the first half before the Brawl Saints’ athleticism saw them stretch out to a 223-101 win. Whilst the Rockers have met London’s third team Batter C Power since then, this reunion with LRD’s B-team should prove an interesting tussle.

The event will also see London’s A-team Brawling take on continental powerhouse Lomme Roller Girls (from Lille, France) at 6.30pm. Whilst online advance tickets have been taken off sale, we expect there to be some available on the door at £18-ish a pop. Do check with LRD via social media to make sure though if you’re planning to travel up without a ticket.

Alternatively the games are being streamed live (at £7.50 for both) should a Sussex based watch party be more to your liking. See the links at the bottom of this page for more information. Meanwhile, here are some travel tips, predictions and wise words from five Rockers stars in the lead-up to the event…

Former Rockers captain Swann rocking helmet hair on a London bench.

HOW TO GET THERE

As the home venue for both of Greater London’s WFTDA leagues, Tottenham Green Leisure Centre is in many ways the Wembley/Twickenham/Whatever of UK derby. This iconic status doesn’t distract from the fact that it’s about as far away from the Sussex coast as you can get in the capital. Usually we’d recommend public transport types to travel via Victoria but helpfully no trains are going there this weekend.

The best option therefore is taking a Cambridge facing Thameslink (12 or 42 past from Brighton) and changing at Finsbury Park for a single stop tube journey to Seven Sisters. From there it’s a ten minute walk straight up the A10 (or jump one of the many passing buses) to the venue. The journey should take a smidgeon under two hours each way from Brighton and one day travelcards are pretty cheap at the weekend. Also don’t forget the first class bit at the BACK of all Thameslink trains isn’t first class at all, so try and get a seat there if you fancy a plug socket and non-ironing board seat.

Petrolheads should point their vehicles at N15 4JA. There’s a fair bit of parking (paid hourly but not extortionate) at the leisure centre itself. Despite being a busy commercial area with a Tesco and plenty of cafes/takeaways, pubs are surprisingly thin on the ground here. The one we found on previous visits is a good ‘un though. Located three or four minutes north of the leisure centre, the High Cross is a converted public toilets so it’s fairly small but has a nice range of craft beers, vegan balti pies and more.

As you’d expect from a derby league that had images of its players on several cans of craft ale last year (now sadly sold out) LRD will be running a bar counter at this event. Popcorn is also a thing here apparently. Enough with the logistics, on to the predictions (or not)…

The Rockers A-team prepare for first whistle in pre-pandemic times.

PREDICTIONS AND THAT

Usually we’d tell you what the Flattrackstats website expects to happen in the games. Whilst FTS does offer a prediction for the Rockers match, the lack of games in recent years makes it difficult to put too much faith in it. Brighton last played in March 2020 and Brawl Saints have only played once since 2019, so we’re going to swerve FTS predictions until the Rockers have two post-pandemic games under their belt. Let’s just say the website sees the Londoners as pretty strong favourites here.

The London Brawling vs Lomme match is a different matter with the teams having already played four and six games respectively in 2022. Here London are given 97% chance of victory with an expected points differential of 49:18 working out at something like a 196-72 home win. Enough with the maths, let’s hear from the Rockers re their thoughts ahead of the event. (NB We did approach Brawl Saints with questions too, but sadly didn’t give them enough notice as they are busy preparing for the event.)

March 2020: The last time Brighton’s skating superstars faced a crowd.

VARIOUS BRIGHTON ROCKERS PREVIEW THE GAME

How does it feel for the Rockers to finally have a game after a 2.5+ year gap? Slaughter Melon: It’s great being back on track! It’s exciting, exhilarating but sometimes nerve wracking. We’ve been training hard so it will be great to get out there as a team working together

How did the players deal with that big pause in derby and how have you prepared for this Brawl Saints game? Go Go Gozer: It was a long break! But then lots of derby teams have previously taken a whole season/year off, so I’m not sure we haven’t come back stronger because of it. We started back as soon as restrictions allowed, first off skates and gradually working back up to full contact. I remember the first session back on skates. Hearing the sound of wheels stamping on the sports hall floor made me cry with joy! A lot of the team were in contact throughout the pandemic. A fair few got into park skating, so hopefully we kept our skate skills fresh.

Has the Brighton A-team changed much since your last outing in March 2020? Hairy Fairy: We have been incredibly lucky in that from our original A-team most of our skaters have returned to skating. There will be lots of familiar faces and names, but we’ve also had a few name changes and some newer skaters who were in the B-team are now solid members of the A-team. Apex Twin, G-force and Skates Of Wrath are all making their A-team debuts. We also have our last game with Dixon who was actually too young to play with us before Covid! She’s leaving for Uni but we have so enjoyed skating with her for the last year.

What are your expectations against the London Brawl Saints? Care to predict the score? Slap Dash: We’re really excited to play the Brawl Saints. We know LRD are an amazing league so we’re excited to see how they’ll play. Our bench crew have watched their recent games which has been really helpful when it comes to planning our approach and thinking about tactics. (There’s also a certain Hippy skater on their roster who we know quite well.) We know it will be challenging but we’re hoping to learn a lot and try out our new tactics. As for score predictions, I’m not that brave. I’ll be happy if we’ve played our best and tried out the things we’ve been working on… oh, and not fouling out would be nice!

Finally, what are the Rockers plans going forward? Any messages for your opponents, fans or potential new members? Block Horror: We’ve been training hard since our return to skating and are definitely keen to get out there and play more games. We’re looking to host a home game early next year and have a few more away games in the pipeline so keep your eyes peeled for announcements! Opponents: look forward to seeing you on track. Fans: thanks so much for supporting us, seeing our supporters at games is always a massive boost. Potential new members: if you’re thinking of giving derby a go, do it, you won’t regret it – and even if contact isn’t for you, we’re always looking for refs and NSOs.

LINKS

FB EVENT: https://www.facebook.com/events/1262063324331560

STREAM: https://www.watch-live.co.uk/24-Sep-LRD-Lomme-Brighton/

BRIGHTON ROCKERS: https://www.brightonrockers.com/

LONDON ROLLER DERBY: https://www.londonrollerderby.com/

LOMME ROLLER GIRLS: https://www.lommerollergirls.com/

[Photographs by John Hesse]

2019 BRATS AWARD WINNERS ANNOUNCED!

**ANNOUNCING THE WINNERS OF THE BRATS AWARDS 2019**
Your votes have been counted, the certificates have been printed and the badges have arrived. Due to a clerical error the manufacturers actually made two of each badge, so our lucky winners will be able to wear one at all times, whilst supergluing the other to their fridge or pet. There were so many awesome performances last year, but we can only give out a handful of awards, so who done winned? Find out below… (PS winners please get in touch so we can arrange to get the shiny things to you. Cheerses.)

PLAYER OF THE YEAR: CAKE OR DEATH
Remarkably this is Rockers mainstay Cake’s first BRATS Award – well, apart from the ‘Most Voted For’ consolation prize in 2017. It was a landslide as she picked up around 90% of the vote, leaving everyone else trailing after a barnstorming year on track.

JAMMER OF THE YEAR: KAPOW!
Last year’s Player of the Year has to make do with the Jammer gong this time out. The likes of Skate Bush, Go Go Gozer and Deathblade picked up a fair few votes here, but Kapow finished in front of the chasing pack.

BLOCKER OF THE YEAR: FELLEN E ASSAULT
One of the most keenly contested categories with eight different skaters picking up votes. There were strong showings from Hairy Fairy, Gozer and others, but last year’s winner Fellen edged ahead to retain the title.

B-TEAMER OF THE YEAR: GOLDIBLOCKS
A very close contest for our Rockerbillies award for 2019 saw Goldiblocks finishing a single vote ahead of tied second place Pina Collider and Skates Of Wrath.

ROOKIE OF THE YEAR: JOADICEA
As with Cake’s victory for the Player award, this one was almost unanimous with Joadicea comprehensively triumphing in the BRATS ‘Class of 2019’ rookie contest.

ICON OF THE YEAR: FINN McCRUEL
In last year’s Icon poll, Finn lost out by just half a vote to Hairy Fairy. This year saw the same two duking it out, but this was Finn’s turn to triumph (by a marginally more emphatic whole vote)!

OFFICIAL OF THE YEAR: SEZ WHO?
It was an NSO versus ref tussle in this category, which swiftly became a straight fight between last year’s winner Hissing Hellcat and 2019’s eventual victor Sez Who?

OTHER OF THE YEAR: JOHN HESSE
Announcers, photographers, bench crew and more battled it out in this category. Remarkably it’s the first time picture king John Hesse has won the gong. In the interests of family harmony we won’t mention that Kira came second.

MOST VOTED FOR: HAIRY FAIRY
With several people picking up votes in multiple categories, this special prize goes to the person who picked up the most votes in total without actually winning anything (except this). This year it’s Hairy.

FRIEND OF BRATS: MR SÉAMUS
We’ve finally got round to awarding our annual ‘services to BRATS’ award to Mr Séamus, who has paid for adverts in all 27 issues of our fanzine despite having nothing to advertise. Cheers millionsly Sir.

SIX YEARS One Month And TWELVE Days Have Passed… The Brighton ROCKERS Vs GLASGOW Roller Derby REMATCH Is This SATURDAY!

This Saturday (1st June) Haywards Heath plays host to what is to date the most long-awaited rematch in Brighton Rockers history. It was way back on the 20th April 2013 that the Rockers took on Glasgow Roller Derby up in Scotland. That’s a gap between home and away A-team open door games of a whopping 2,233 days. By way of contrast, the next longest wait for a hosting rematch was the 1,358 days between away (March 2012) and home (Nov 2015) games against Belgium’s GO-GO Gent. This is followed by 882 days v Rockcity Rollers who Brighton met in Eindhoven a few weeks ago. Vienna comes next at 588 days, with Brighton’s other home and away A-team opponents, Cambridge, Portsmouth and Dublin, all seeing gaps of less than a year.

So this Saturday’s clash is a big deal, but it’s probably best not to ask the 2013 Brighton players still skating for the Rockers for their thoughts on that previous game. It was, you see, the first open door defeat in Brighton’s history and the loss was a big one: Glasgow 310 to Brighton’s 111. Will Saturday provide those players with an opportunity to avenge that result? [SKIP THIS PARAGRAPH IF YOU DON’T LIKE READING PREDICTIONS BEFORE A GAME] Flattrackstats seems to think so. They rank Brighton 253rd in WFTDA with Glasgow 281st. The Rockers are given 74% chance of victory with a predicted differential of 45:34 suggesting something like a 180-136 home win. It should be pointed out here that these FTS rankings differ from the actual official WFTDA rankings. The latter have Glasgow 267th and Brighton 268th, and a prediction based on those rankings would come up with something close to a draw!

“We’re preparing ourselves for big hitters and a solid team. We know it won’t be easy. They have a few A/B crossovers too, so it’ll be interesting to see how ours match up against theirs across both games.”
GO GO GOZER, BRIGHTON ROCKERS

“Here in Glasgow we keep our canny eyes on the opposition to make sure we don’t underestimate them. We’ll be sure to look out for any loose pebbles from the beach which might stick in our skates.”
HADRIAN’S BRAWL, GLASGOW ROLLER DERBY

Tickets are available online at £8 adults (£7 students and Compass Card holders) and free for under 12s. See the link at the bottom of this piece. Tickets on the door are smidgeon more for adults. Doors are at 2pm on Saturday with the A-team game at 2.30 followed by the B-team match at 4.40. [SKIP THIS PARAGRAPH IF YOU DON’T LIKE PRE-GAME PREDICTIONS] This first meeting of the Brighton and Glasgow B-teams is also expected to be a close one. Flattrackstats rank Glasgow’s Maiden Grrders as 212th in Europe with Brighton’s Rockerbillies 235th. Glasgow B are given 53% chance of victory here with the predicted differential of 51:49 suggesting a super close 153-147 win for the Scots.

The venue is the Dolphin leisure centre in Haywards Heath. Sat Nav users should point their cars at RH16 1LY. Train folks will be excited to hear there’s no engineering works for once, so there should be five trains per hour from Brighton to Haywards. The venue is seven minutes walk west of the station (turn left and follow the signs) with an OK pub opposite the station and a big Sainsbury’s with ATMs halfway to the venue. The Dolphin itself has vending machines and a cafe in the lobby, plus a table selling booze in the hall. There will also be games, competitions, merch and more. The event is part of Brighton Fringe Festival so there will probably be a few surprises too, including maybe something made of paper from us at BRATS to pick up on your way in. See you there!

[Photos from 2013 game by Dave McAleavy]

LINKS
EVENT TICKETS: https://www.brightonrockers.com/shop-cttr
EVENT FB PAGE: https://www.facebook.com/events/2128172783898694/
EVENT FRINGE PAGE: https://www.brightonfringe.org/whats-on/brighton-rockers-roller-derby-135705/
BRIGHTON ROCKERS: https://www.brightonrockers.com
GLASGOW ROLLER DERBY: https://www.glasgowrollerderby.com/

Turn Left Issue 25 Now Online

A fan magazine dedicated to the awesomes Brighton Rockers roller derby league. This issue was published on the 9th February 2019 for a double header event at the Dolphin in Haywards Heath. A super close A-team clash saw the Rockers edged out 195-196 by the seven skaters of Dundee Roller Derby, the B-team Rockerbillies went down 198-260 to London Rockin’ Rollers Badasses. This final regular issue of our magazines contains previews of both games, a retrospective, Player of the Year results, our favourite Rockers quotes, a list of A-team scores and much more. Many thanks to all the lovely interviewees, fab photographers and awesomes advertisers who kept us going for 25 issues to become the UK’s longest running roller derby magazine. We will continue to post content online and will return with some one-off magazines. Thank you all – you rule!

The Brighton ROCKERS Are Getting Things DUNDEE Like BADASSES This WEEKEND!

This Saturday (9th February) sees the mighty Brighton Rockers back in action at the Dolphin in Haywards Heath. Having sat out December’s event, the A-team Allstars return to the track to take on Dundee Roller Derby, whilst the Rockerbillies B-team face the Badasses of London Rockin’ Rollers. Doors are at 2pm with the A-team game at 2.30 followed by the Bs battle at around 4.30. Tickets are available online for £8 adults (£9.50 on the door), £7 students and Compass Card holders, with under 12s going free. See the link at the bottom of this piece to buy.

Car users should point their Sat Navs at RH16 1LY. Train users will have to get a replacement bus from Brighton as the line is shut all weekend for work on the tunnels. These run every ten minutes and take about 40 mins. The leisure centre is about six minutes walk east of the station and there’s a big Sainsbury’s halfway along. Early arrivers will find the pub opposite the station (the Burrell Arms) pleasant enough.

There are vending machines and a café bar in the venue lobby, whilst the nearest ATMs are at the side of Sainsbury’s. There will be the usual merch stall, contests and activities, plus possibly some Valentine’s and birthday (the Rockers turn nine on the 14th) related shenanigans. You can pick up the FINAL edition of our free magazine Turn Left on the door. This bigger than normal edition also entitles you to discounts at our namesake online skate shop and in Brighton’s Pub of the Year – wowser!

PREDICTIONS AND THAT
[Skip these two paragraphs if you don’t like to read predictions before a game] Flattrackstats offer two different predictions for the Brighton v Dundee A-team game. Their WFTDA rankings have the Rockers 289th (on 520.0 points) while Dundee are 266th (535.8). The visitors are given 55% change of victory with an expected differential of 21:20 meaning something like a 189-180 away win. The global rankings favour the Scots more strongly, giving them 76% chance of victory and a 27:19 differential (eg a 189-133 away win). With Dundee bringing a very small squad, we’re expecting the game to be much closer.

How close are we expecting the B-team game between the Rockerbillies (219th in Europe on 427.3 points) and LRR Badasses (208th, 434.5) to be? When we checked a few days ago Flattrackstats called this as 50% chance of victory for both sides with an expected differential of 2:2 meaning a flatout draw. We have NEVER seen FTS predict a drawn game before and it isn’t even possible within the rules (overtime jams are added until there’s a winner). They’ve now altered their prediction to give Brighton 51% chance of victory. A predicted differential of 51:50 still means only a couple of points in it! Let’s hear from some skaters…

“For the game against Dundee we’re bringing in some newer players who haven’t played for the A-team before. They’re amazing and should be interesting to watch. As for the B-team game, based on the stats it should definitely be a close one!”
SHAMBOLIC, BRIGHTON ROCKERS

“It’s the first game of the season and we are playing with a pretty small roster, but that’s actually a very common theme for us. You’ll see our skaters get a LOT of track time, but we’ve been working on our endurance derby to compensate, and we all love playing together.”
LISTON, DUNDEE ROLLER DERBY

“We love the Brighton Rockers and always have a brilliant time playing them, regardless of the result. We will be ready for all the Rockerbillies skaters to really bring it. We know this will be a tough and physical game, and we’re looking forward to the challenge.”
EVA LA TART, LRR BADASSES

[Photo by John Hesse]

LINKS
BUY TICKETS: https://www.brightonrockers.com/shop-cttr
FACEBOOK EVENT: https://www.facebook.com/events/300647417461028/
ROCKERS: https://www.brightonrockers.com/
DUNDEE: http://dundeerollerderby.wixsite.com/thedrd
LRR: https://londonrockinrollers.co.uk/

Some WINNING Happened… Here’s Who YOU Voted For In THE 2017 BRATS AWARDS!

We busted open the ballot box that was at the Rockers event last month. We hired an army of abacus twiddlers to tot up the physical and online votes. We ordered some badges and printed out some certificates. The only thing left to do now is to announce which super awesome bags of awesomeness have won what. So let’s do that…

OTHER OF THE YEAR – MISTRESS VON UBER VIXEN
This category covers everyone who isn’t a player, referee or NSO. Ten different names put forward for this one, with an actual baby finishing in third place – well done Kit N Run Junior! Photographer John Hesse has to settle for second, whilst bench coach Mistress (who missed out by just half a point last year) takes the gold.
Past winners: Tenacious P (2016), Mass Janeycide (2015)

OFFICIAL OF THE YEAR – REFEREE DAHMER
This category tends to be dominated by refs rather than NSOs, though Hissing Hellcat finished joint second this year alongside two-time winner LaserHammer. The victor was never really in doubt though as “ref with the short shorts” Dahmer bagged twice the number of votes of everyone else combined!
Past winners: LaserHammer (2016), Noise Tank (2015), LaserHammer (2014)

ICON OF THE YEAR – FARMERGEDDON
This award for “the most inspiring Brighton Rocker on or off track” saw the most names put forward in any category. A dozen people were in the running and it ended in a photo finish between Farmergeddon and last year’s winner Finn McCruel, with the former just nudging ahead.
Past winners: Finn McCruel (2016), Shambolic (2015)

ROOKIE OF THE YEAR – RAGING BEAVER
Five skaters made their Rockers debuts in the game our ballot box was out at. These all picked up multiple votes, as did a trio of others. Kit N Run finishes a strong second, but Raging Beaver (with more than 40% of the vote) grabs the gold.
Past winners: Farmergeddon (2016), Speedy Gonzalex (2015)

B-TEAMER OF THE YEAR – SLAP DASH
Ten different skaters picked up votes in this category, but it ended up as a two-horse race, with the Rockerbillies captain Slap Dash edging out Yorkshire Brewser by a single vote.
Past winners: Cruelty Spree (2016), Bionic Betty (2015)

BLOCKER OF THE YEAR – FINN McCRUEL
Hairy Fairy’s hopes of making it three years in a row falter as she has to settle for third place here, just behind Cake Or Death. Finn took almost 50% of the vote to smash this one.
Past winners: Hairy Fairy (2016), Hairy Fairy (2015), Emma The Condemner (2014)

JAMMER OF THE YEAR – DR WHOOLIGAN
2014 Player Of The Year Whooligan has to settle for the Jammer gong this time out. Others making strong showings in the voting include Shambolic, Farmergeddon, Hippy Hippy Skate and Chaka Carnage.
Past winners: Shambolic (2016), Skate Bush (2015), Kapow (2014)

PLAYER OF THE YEAR – SHAMBOLIC
With two-time winner Gin last spotted in Australia (on the C-team of World Champions VRDL) the coast was clear for someone else to grab this year’s main award. Up hop, step and skipped Gin’s former housemate Shambolic, who edged ahead of a strong chasing pack (Finn McCruel, Cruelty Spree, Farmergeddon, Cake Or Death and others) to take the win.
Past winners: Gin Atomic (2016), Gin Atomic (2015), Dr Whooligan (2014)

That rounds up the eight categories on the voting form, but a minimum badge order of ten means we add two extra awards as usual. The MOST VOTED FOR gong is for whoever picks up the most votes across all of the categories without actually winning any of them. After finishing third in this ‘don’t call it biggest loser’ contest last year, our WINNER – CAKE OR DEATH nudges ahead of Brewser, Kapow and Cruelty for the victory here.

Finally we have our FRIEND OF BRATS award. I know we bang on about our fanzine advertisers a lot, but the mag wouldn’t be possible without them. An issue costs around £150 to get printed and the lovely ad folks cover the vast majority of that. Having taken out a full page ad in every issue since we started, our WINNER – MEADOW YURTS have paid more towards our print bill than anyone else. They’re totally ace and everyone reading this should go and buy a yurt off them right now… preferably two.

That rounds up the 2017 BRATS Awards. If you won one, yay you! Please get in touch and let us know how we can get your super fancy (not fancy at all) winner’s badge and certificate to you. If you didn’t win one, rest assured you’re still pretty awesome and everyone says so (even if it’s only behind your back). Here’s to a derby-packed 2018 for one and all. Hurrah!

Shut The DORSET, Don’t Let NORFOLK In – The BRIGHTON ROCKERS Host Epic Roller Derby THIS SATURDAY Yay!

The mighty Brighton Rockers are in action this Saturday 25th November in Haywards Heath. The A-team will be taking on the Norfolk Brawds from Norwich, whilst the Rockerbillies face the Bournemouth-based Dorset B-Side. Both games look like cracking match-ups. (As we understand it, both pairings have met behind closed doors in secret but epic clashes recently!)
And for extra spice, the Rockers A-team beat Cambridge away 162-145 in a game they were expected to draw or lose on Saturday just gone, so will be super fired-up for Brighton’s first time ever playing public games on two Saturdays in a row! Meanwhile, five players will make their debut for Brighton B against a Dorset side who are playing their first ever open door away match… Wowsers! How can so much awesomes possibly be contained in a single event?
Saturday’s action takes places at the Dolphin Leisure Centre in Haywards Heath. Doors are at 2pm, with the B-team game around 2.30 and the A-teams at 4.55. Tickets (£10 adults, £8 students, free for under 12s) are available from the link at the bottom of this preview and most likely on the door too. Car types should point their SatNav at RH16 1LY. For train folks the venue is seven minutes walk from Haywards Heath (turn left and follow the signs stuck to lampposts etc). There’s no engineering work on the trains for once, yay!
The pub opposite the station (the Burrell Arms) isn’t sure if it’s a sports bar or a food pub, but it’s OK for a pint and a few dozen Jägers and has a huge garden. There’s a big Sainsbury’s halfway between the station and venue, which is useful for specialist snacks and ATMs (no ATM at the leisure centre). The venue has a booze table in the hall, a café in the lobby, and many vending machines. The after party is back in Brighton in the Western, slap bang in the centre of town; five mins walk from the station, the beach, etc.
Don’t forget to pick up your free copy of our tawdry Rockers fanzine TURN LEFT on the door. In this issue Cake Or Death predicts today’s A-team score, we talk to the five B-team debutants, get the inside line from the visiting teams, and much more. As it’s the last game of the year it also includes a voting form for our Annual Awards. And if you want to be eligible for such an award yourself next year, please note that Brighton have their 2018 Fresh Meat taster sessions on Monday (27th Nov) and Sunday (3rd Dec) so drop a message to info@brightonrockers.com asap. You know you want to.

[NB Skip this section if you don’t like to hear predictions ahead of games.] As far as the A-team Rockers v Brawds game goes, the UKRDA and European rankings on Flattrackstats offer widely differing predictions. The Rockers place 25th in UKRDA on 595.0 points with Norfolk 36th on 549.5. Throw in home advantage and FTS gives Brighton 83% chance of the win here, with a predicted differential of 17:10 working out as something like a 221-130 comfortable home win. It’s worth bearing in mind that UKRDA rankings are only updated every three months, and Brighton (in particular) tend to play against more European than UKRDA sides these days, so you’re probably not getting that up-to-date or accurate a picture with this prediction.
Switching to our favoured European table, Brighton are 67th on 598.8 points, while Norfolk are a few places higher in 63rd on 604.2. Home advantage nudges this Brighton’s way on the predictor, but only just. The Rockers are given a 52% victory chance with a 47:46 differential equating to a squeaky close 188-184 Brighton win. The caveat here is that Brighton’s game away to Cambridge last Saturday has yet to be added to the website, and the result (a 17 point Brighton win with an impossible-in-derby draw predicted) means that the Rockers should actually be on a tiny bit higher ranking and win/score figure. So somewhere inbetween the disparate UKRDA and Euro predictions seems most likely if (and that’s a big if) the prediction computers can be trusted…
Moving on to the B-team game, the Brighton Rockerbillies are ranked 320th in Europe on 453.5 points, whilst the visiting Dorset B-Side are a good deal higher in 216th on 486.9. FTS reckons the visitors have 69% chance of the win here, with a predicted differential of 57:44 suggesting something like a 171-132 Dorset win. Since we are giving out caveats, it should be pointed out that the visitors have only played one open door game before today (home to Southampton earlier this month) so their ranking is based on just that single game – hence this prediction is even more random/volatile than usual FTS predictions! Still, enough of the numbers, here are some words from the teams…

“I think it will be a low scoring game v Norfolk. Their jammers are good and they have super strong walls. This is going to be classic Brighton. Either come from behind, then lots of toing and froing; or start really well, then lots of toing and froing. But I’m going to predict the exact score… in the fanzine that you can pick up on the door.”
CAKE OR DEATH, BRIGHTON ROCKERS

“We’ve been doing our research and are quite perturbed to have discovered that Brighton will be intending to stand in front of our jammers and try to stop them getting past. Jolly unsporting if you ask us! NRD actually stands for team NeRD because our real strength lies in stats. We will spreadsheet Brighton into submission!”
WHIPLEY & PHILTHY, NORFOLK ROLLER DERBY

“We have five debutants taking part against Dorset. We held our Halloween intraleague recently and one of our rookies is a really great jammer (a former ice skater) who sneaks through those tiny gaps, whilst others are really solid blockers and so on. They’re a really good bunch and I think they’ll smash it!”
FARMERGEDDON, BRIGHTON ROCKERS

“We played the Rockerbillies quite recently in one of Dorset B-Side’s first closed doors so we know a little about each other. I didn’t play in that, but I have it on good authority that they have strong walls and are a lovely bunch. We’ll be doing our best not to be lulled into a false sense of security by their seemingly gentle natures off track!”
REIGNBOW BRIGHT, DORSET ROLLER GIRLS

[Photos by John Hesse]

BUY TICKETS
https://www.brightonrockers.com/shop-cttr

FACEBOOK EVENT PAGE
https://www.facebook.com/events/148099769125027/

BRIGHTON ROCKERS
https://www.brightonrockers.com/

NORFOLK ROLLER DERBY
http://norfolkrollerderby.co.uk/

DORSET ROLLER GIRLS
http://www.dorsetrollergirls.com/

Time For A ROLLER DERBY Education? – It’s CAMBRIDGE v BRIGHTON Today!

Oh my giddy goodness, the Brighton Rockers A-team are playing on two consecutive Saturdays. Today (18th Nov) sees a trip up to Cambridge, whilst next week (25th) they are at home in Haywards Heath to Norfolk at an event which also sees the B-team play Dorset B. We’ll have a preview of the home games in the next couple of days, but here’s a last minute look ahead to today’s Cambridge trip….
    The action is taking place at the Kelsey Kerridge which, unlike most British leisure centres, is pretty much right in the centre of town. Doors are at 1pm and the Brighton game is scheduled to be first up at 1.30 with the Cambridge B-team hosting LRR B at 3.30. Tickets are available on the door, priced £8 adults and free for Under 16s.

GETTING THERE AND STUFF
Car users should point their Sat Navs at CB1 1ND which is a car park (Queen Anne Terrace) next to the venue. Four hours parking is a fiver. Train folks should be aware that there are very few fast/Victoria trains from Brighton today. Journey planners suggest routes with several changes and a tube journey. The wise owls at BRATS say get the Bedford Thameslink train to St Pancras, then just stroll next door to Kings Cross. The journey should take around 2.5 hours each way by road or rail.
    The station is a little way from the town itself. This is deliberate. As with Oxford, the University overlords demanded the railway be built away from the colleges/town so students weren’t tempted by the sinful delights of London or, er, Ipswich. Luckily the leisure centre is on the station side of town, around ten minutes walk away.
    The venue joins those at Bristol and Glasgow for getting boos for allowing no booze. At least there are a few pubs within a couple of minutes walk. The Grain & Hop Store (cut a corner across the park) is probably the closest and is where the after party was five years ago. This year’s is a little north east of the venue in the Tram Depot. What we will be pondering over our pints is: Why the hell is it pronounced ‘Came-bridge’ when the river is pronounced ‘Cam’? Mind you, don’t get us started on the way they pronounce ‘Magdalene’ round these parts…

PREDICTIONS AND THAT
Skip this bit if you don’t like to hear predictions ahead of a game (although we do share an interesting one in the interviews below)… As far as the A-team game goes, these teams have met twice before, but a derby lifetime ago. The Rockers sneaked a 141-132 win at home in 2011 before thumping Cambridge (or Romsey Town, as they then were) 304-60 away the following year. Cambridge have bounced up the rankings in recent years and currently place 22nd in UKRDA with 598.5 ranking points. Brighton are a little way behind in 25th with 595.0. Flattrackstats gives the hosts 58% chance of the win here, with a predicted differential of 48:43 mathsing out as something like a 192-172 Cambridge win.
    We tend to put more stock in the European rankings as they cover a broader range of games, including the UK ones. (Around 60% of Brighton’s games in the past two years have been against Euro not UK sides, for example.) Using these, Flattrackstats comes up with something we’ve never seen before. It predicts that Cambridge (75th, 951.0 points) at home to Brighton (68th, 598.8) has 50% chance of a Cambridge win and 50% chance of a Brighton win, with the teams expected to finish exactly equal on points. Obviously that can’t actually happen (in derby you keep playing until there’s a winner) but it suggests this one really is too close to call!
    In the day’s other game, using the Euro rankings (as only A-teams are UKRDA ranked) Cambridge’s Punt Rockers B-team place 160th on 513.4 points, whilst the visiting London Rockin’ Rollers B-team Badasses are 173rd on 507.3. Add home advantage to the mix and the Punts are given 60% chance of victory. Predicted differential of 55:48 mathses out to something like a 220-192 win for the Cambridge Bs. Which makes both games super close anything can happen match-ups…

CAKE OR DEATH – BRIGHTON ROCKERS

Cambridge and Brighton have met open door twice before. That was way back in 2011/12, which is ages ago in derby terms. Presumably both teams have changed a lot since then? Absolutely! Derby is evolving so quickly and luckily we have resources such as online videos and high level coaches to help us keep up. However, each team finds their own way to keep up with changes, so it’s always interesting to see how each team is playing now.

Any particular Cambridge players or tactics that you will be looking out for? I don’t know much about their current roster. I’ve heard they have a fearsome reputation for excellent walls though!

Which Brighton players or tactics should the crowd look out for? Finn McCruel is my absolute hero. She won’t be out there doing the biggest hits, so she’s not always noticed, but by the end of the game opposing blockers and jammers alike will be hating her! She’s all over the track at once and forms impenetrable walls. Having jammed against her in practice I know she makes you want to cry. The crowd should expect a more dynamic Brighton team today.

Flattrackstats calls this (using Euro rankings) as a genuine 50-50 game, which we’ve never seen before! Are you expecting it to be that close? 50% win chance each? That’s so cool. How exciting is that, I love it! As always I will make my own prediction of the result. I think it will be a thrilling 245-213 win. To the Rockers, obvs.

Any thoughts re the day’s other game, Cambridge B v LRR B? Ooh, that’s exciting! I imagine they’re pretty evenly matched. LRR are such sweethearts. Well, off the track they are – they’re pretty brutal on the track. I’m looking forward to watching that game.

Brighton then take on Norfolk (A-team) and Dorset (B-team) at Haywards Heath next Saturday. This must be the first time you’ve played open doors two Saturdays running. What are the pluses or minuses of doing that? I didn’t even think of this, so maybe it’s not too big of a deal. I think we approach each game individually, but it’s awesome to have more games to play.

JANEGEROUS – CAMBRIDGE ROLLERBILLIES

Cambridge and Brighton met in open door games in 2011 and 2012. Presumably things have changed a lot since then? Cambridge pride themselves on never changing. Since the CloneMaster3000 came online in early 2008, the Romsey Town Rollerbillies have been growing replacements for each of their skaters. These are useful for spare organs, or sometimes even just for someone to sit with when no-one else will because your pads SMELL, for the love of…. Jeez.

Any Cambridge tactics the crowd should look out for? We have been EXCESSIVELY practicing leg whips. Today is the day. Watch with your eyes, but sense it with your ganglions.

Any particular Brighton players or tactics that you’ll be looking out for? I don’t really know… but if they do that thing where they get in the way of our jammer, or protect their point, then I dunno…. I might just pop.

Flattrackstats predicts 50/50. Are you expecting it to be that close? Yes and no. I imagine it will be closer in terms of body contact than score per se. If we can find a way of merging the two and creating a super powerful all-seeing all-winning team of point-scoring closeness and glory, then I imagine that would be preferable. But failing that… We’ll do the thing and then that thing’ll happen.

What about the day’s other game, Cambridge Punts (B-team) v LRR B? Punting is a popular pastime for plenty of people while perusing the plains of East Anglia. The punts are prolific in persistence in playing to perfect their roller profession. Prepare to party Punt style as these pugnacious punts take to the track.

What can you tell us about your derby venue and Cambridge itself? Kelsey Kerridge was the initial breeding point for the Romsean Rollaerians from Alpha Smasha Roller Badger 7. They first integrated the humans of the local area by leaving DNA in hair strands around the hall. These were slowly collected in the rolling of the wheels on the floor. When concentrated in a hot knotty mess around an axle and in proximity to the bearings, then strange things started to happen. Cambridge, as a result, has grown an outdoor ice rink outside Kelsey Kerridge as the perpetual cold seems to slow the shedding.

LINKS
FB EVENT PAGE: https://www.facebook.com/events/715136265277741/
CAMBRIDGE ROLLERBILLIES: http://rollerbillies.com/
BRIGHTON ROCKERS: https://www.brightonrockers.com/
LONDON ROCKIN’ ROLLERS: https://londonrockinrollers.co.uk/

OMG They Made Roller Derby EXTRA CHAOTIC! Get To ROCKERS SEVENS This Sunday!

Roller derby rolls back into Haywards Heath this Sunday (27th August) as the mighty Brighton Rockers host their first ever Derby Sevens tournament. Here’s everything you need to know about this awesomes and extra hardcore derby event…

SEVEN FACTS ABOUT ROCKERS SEVENS

1. WHERE AND WHEN
It’s taking place this Sunday, the 27th (a date that ends in the number SEVEN) of August at the Dolphin Leisure Centre in Haywards Heath, with doors from midday and a roughly 6pm finish time.

2. GETTING IN
Tickets are priced (in keeping with the theme) at SEVEN pounds for adults, free for under 12s. Get yours from the link at the bottom of this piece. They should be available on the door too.

3. GETTING TO
The venue is almost exactly SEVEN minutes walk from Haywards Heath train station – turn left and head on in that direction, following roller derby signage attached to lampposts, dogs and passers by.

4. ON THE WAY
There’s a decent enough pub (The Burrell, which is SEVEN letters) opposite the station, and a big Sainsbury’s roughly halfway between the station and venue (it shuts at 4pm on Sundays but has an ATM outside – there’s no ATM at the venue).

5. BAR BOOZE
There are bar facilities in the venue and bringing in booze from elsewhere is very much frowned upon. There will probably only be SEVEN bottles of London Pride in the fridge though, and we’ve bagsied five of them. Just saying.

6. PARTY TIME
The official after party is at the East Street Tap in Brighton. Whose address is 72 East Street. Which is a number that starts with SEVEN, yeah?

7. MAGAMAZINE
We only produce our fanzine Turn Left for traditional Rockers home games, but we made a late decision to do a one-off mini-mag for this event. Pick it up on the door. It’s exactly SEVEN pages long (if you don’t include the cover).

SEVEN QUOTES ABOUT ROCKERS SEVENS

1. EMMA THE CONDEMNER, BRIGHTON ROCKERS
“There just isn’t the time to ‘find your feet’ and if you start to give away points there isn’t the time to recoup them later!”

2. TORI BEE, FOR 7s SAKE
“It’s like those scrimmages where hardly anyone shows up and you have to play every jam! It’s a test of endurance for sure, but you play a whole lotta derby, the fun keeps going and you can stay in your groove.”

3. BULLET BOMBER, BOURNE BOMBSHELLS
“Depending on how the line-ups work, you could be doing one on then one off as a jammer, or be blocking three or four jams in a row before sitting one out.”

4. CAZ VEGAS, JACKALS
“The games are shorter, but you need to remember that it’s not just an hour’s game with two halves and that your opponents change!”

5. FELLEN E ASSAULT, 7 DEADLY SINS
“It takes less penalties before a foul out, but that absolutely definitely never happens to any of us, so I’m sure that wont be a problem, yeah?”

6. AMPERSAND WHAT, WE ARE ALL LOVE
“There are no timeouts nor any extra players if you need one, so there’s no time to get a moment’s rest. It’s good for upping your endurance and seeing all the amazing things your body can do under pressure.”

7. EMMA THE CONDEMNER, BRIGHTON ROCKERS
“A player will foul out after four penalties instead of the normal seven and there are no timeouts. Basically it’s going to be a really fast-paced day packed full of derby!”

[Photos by John Hesse]

LINKS
FB EVENT: https://www.facebook.com/events/1378515305601263/
TICKETS: https://www.brightonrockers.com/shop-cttr